Before You Say They Left You...


Have you ever found yourself in a dark corner of life and said, "Now I know who will really stay with me"?

I have.

It’s one of the most common things people say during tough times. We feel betrayed. We feel abandoned. We watch the silence of others and wonder why the people we once trusted have disappeared.

But today, I want to offer a gentler lens. Not everyone who distances themselves from you in your hard times is betraying you. Sometimes, they’re just carrying their own battles—quietly, painfully, privately.

When we are drowning, we often reach for whoever is floating nearby. We cling. We expect. We sometimes unconsciously demand love, presence, and reassurance from those who may not have the strength to offer it. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s just that they are also trying to stay afloat in their own storm.

Everyone, at the end of the day, lives with their own dreams, fears, wounds, and priorities. People are not inherently bad. People are just... human. Most act not out of malice, but out of self-preservation. Some may walk away because they genuinely can’t carry both their burdens and yours. Some may stay in silence, not knowing what to say. And some, the rare ones, will stay—not because they have no problems, but because they’ve been through the fire and found their strength in service.

This brings me to a story I’ve carried in my heart for years.

There was a dear friend of mine—a kind, warm soul—who once faced a legal issue in Dubai. He was detained the moment he landed, and the first number he called was mine. I can still remember the heaviness in my chest when I saw the missed call. He needed me. And he expected, rightly so, that I would show up.

But I didn’t.

I reached out to others who could help. I coordinated support. I made sure he got what he needed—but I never showed up myself. I stayed away. I chose to prioritize others in my life at that time. Maybe I was afraid. Maybe I was protecting someone else. Maybe I was just unable to stretch myself more than I already had.

Years have passed. The guilt still stings. Not because I didn’t help—but because I didn’t show up. I didn’t stand beside him in that moment of fear and vulnerability. I let him walk through that storm alone.

Today, I want to say something that I couldn’t say then:

I’m sorry.

I never stopped valuing that friendship. I never forgot the bond we shared. And if this post reaches him somehow—I want him to know, I wasn’t absent because I didn’t care. I was absent because I was afraid, torn, and weak in my own way.

And this moment taught me something: no one walks away without reason. No one chooses distance out of cruelty. People disappear because they are dealing with something you may never fully understand.

Life has a funny way of making us think that what we believe is right, must be right for everyone. But that’s rarely the case. What seems obvious and just to me, might be uncomfortable or even unfair to someone else. What another person sees as survival, I might see as betrayal. And what I consider a reasonable expectation, might feel like an unbearable demand to the one I’m placing it on.

Svabhava-jena kaunteya nibaddhaḥ svena karmaṇa

Kartum necchasi yan mohat kariṣyasy avaso pi tat"
– Bhagavad Gita 3.33
"Even a wise person acts according to their own nature. All living beings follow their own nature. What will repression accomplish?"

    

And so, I’ve come to learn- no one truly acts without a reason. Even those who cheat, those who abscond, those who don’t pay back what they owe—they’re not always villains in their own story. Often, they’re people who chose what they thought was the only way out. Was it right? No. But it was human. And while some people may indeed act selfishly or dishonestly, I’ve also seen that the majority—yes, the majority—are people with good hearts, trying their best.

But the world suffers not just because of the bad people—it suffers because of the silence of the good ones. As is often attributed to Napoleon Bonaparte: "The world suffers not because of the violence of the bad people, but because of the silence of the good people." Whether he said it or not, the truth in that statement echoes everywhere.

So, before we say, "They left me," let us pause and ask, what might they have been carrying? And before we blame ourselves for walking away from someone, let’s also ask, what were we trying to protect?

To those who stayed with me through my own storms—thank you. And to those I couldn’t stay for—I hope someday, you find it in your heart to forgive me.

Because we are all just doing our best.

Some quietly. Some imperfectly. Some with open arms. And some from afar.

And maybe that’s enough.

"Tat sattvam nirmalatvat prakasakam anamayam 
Sukha-sangena badhnati jnana-sangena canagha "
– Bhagavad Gita 14.6
"The mode of goodness is illuminating and free from all sinful reactions. Those situated in this mode develop knowledge but become conditioned by happiness and knowledge."

SSP


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